


i love you (always forever)

by honey_butter



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: M/M, Sort of a Songfic, although i prefer the name gentlyman, assorted brotzly adventures, because i like to project onto characters, dirk gently has sensory issues, jukebox the ghost - Freeform, oh also theres a sensory attack but it isnt heavily described i dont think, songs are integral to the plot, you dont have to know jtg to read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-03
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-10-06 15:15:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20509097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honey_butter/pseuds/honey_butter
Summary: They continued like that, Todd quietly appreciating the music but appreciating Dirk more, and Dirk yell-singing the songs as he badly maneuvered his way towards the hospital.They were almost there when the opening of a new song started, Dirk’s eyes quickly darted from where they’d been trained on the road over to Todd before he reached out and hit the skip button on his phone.“Why’d you-”“Nearly there, Todd!” Dirk interrupted, “Looks like I’ll actually get you to your appointment on time today.”Todd frowned slightly but dropped his question. Sometimes his best friend was weird, but when you practically lived with Dirk Gently you got used to the occasional bout of oddness.Dirk has decided to create a car playlist solely comprised of Jukebox the Ghost songs, but there's one song that he won't let Todd listen to, not yet anyway.





	i love you (always forever)

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to @hellofanpeoples for letting me use their idea for this fic!!
> 
> the first five songs on [dirk's car playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/09r1POb708vSwSZbYtqk4I) on my spotify are in the order they are in the fic, the songs beyond that are just assorted jukebox the ghost songs, i'm not sure if listening to them while reading the fic will work but why not give it a shot ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> not gonna lie, i'm pretty proud of this one lads.

“Dirk, really?” Todd raised his eyebrows at his aforementioned best friend. 

  


“What?!” Dirk squawked from his place in the driver’s seat of the latest car he’d managed to pick up. 

  


Todd raised his eyebrows higher, “It’s so… pop-y.” 

  


“Really, Todd, if you haven’t pegged me as a pop person yet then I think I might need to find a new best friend.” 

  


Both men were talking about the music currently blasting from the car’s speakers. Well, blasting was an overstatement. Dirk couldn’t handle a lot of noise plus a conversation at the same time, but Todd had still never heard him turn the music up _this_ loud before. 

  


Dirk pulled out of the space where he had been loitering in front of Todd’s apartment. He was taking him to another one of his pararibulitis appointments today. Usually, Dirk would’ve already been at Todd’s apartment for at least the night before such an appointment, the two being in the bad habit of picking nights before early mornings to stay up late watching movies. 

  


“_Cause when you meet someone new, it all just takes over you, and you think that you never really tried…_” Dirk sang along to the music, his hands doing a little rhythmic tapping on the steering wheel that, in the loosest definition of the word, could be called in time. 

  


“What song is this?” Todd tried again, his hands picking absentmindedly at a thread on his sweater as he tried to hold back the winces that Dirk’s driving still induced. 

  


“Ah, I think it’s ‘Girl’ by Jukebox the Ghost. I’ve made a car playlist, Todd. Now we don’t have to listen to you gripe about the top forty songs that the radio always plays.” 

  


Todd almost said that this was just as bad as the top forty songs, but bit his tongue. It wasn’t really, while a little too upbeat for his punk rock sensibilities the lyrics and instrumentals were good and Dirk obviously liked it. Honestly, Todd only complained about the top forty songs to see the face Dirk made when he did so. Dirk’s face… Todd liked it, and if it weren’t for that expression, the simple fact that Dirk enjoyed the music would be enough to leave Todd amiably listening along. 

  


The song switched as Dirk slammed on the brakes, nearly rear-ending the truck stopped in front of them, Todd could tell it was by the same band and Dirk quickly picked up with his singing again. They continued like that, Todd quietly appreciating the music but appreciating Dirk more, and Dirk yell-singing the songs as he badly maneuvered his way towards the hospital.  


  


They were almost there when the opening of a new song started, Dirk’s eyes quickly darted from where they’d been trained on the road over to Todd before he reached out and hit the skip button on his phone.

  


“Why’d you-” 

  


“Nearly there, Todd!” Dirk interrupted, “Looks like I’ll actually get you to your appointment on time today.” 

  


Todd frowned slightly but dropped his question. Sometimes his best friend was weird, but when you practically lived with Dirk Gently you got used to the occasional bout of oddness. 

  


  


It happened again a few days later. They were driving to the office after Dirk had passed out once again on Todd’s couch instead of heading to his own apartment, Dirk’s car playlist (Todd wouldn’t really call it a _playlist_ per say, because it was really just all of Jukebox the Ghost’s albums on shuffle) was on. 

  


The same haunting opening that had played last time started, “_Feels like… I’m standing in a timeless stream…_” 

  


Dirk audibly squeaked this time, taking both hands off the steering wheel to fumble for his phone. He ended up hitting the skip button with such Dirk-filled gusto that his phone fell onto the mess of wrappers and trash that was starting to fill the car. 

  


“Dirk why do you keep skipping that song?” 

  


“_Oh_, no reason. Todd, be a dear and pick my phone up for me.” 

  


Todd ducked down and fished the phone from the trash pile, almost getting kneed in the face as Dirk violently gunned the engine. 

  


“Jesus, Dirk, why do you have an empty,” Todd paused as he squinted at the box he’d found the phone in, “ sixty-four box of crayons on your car floor?”

  


“Ah, yes, I had gotten those for the office and, well, I think Kitten ate them.” 

  


“Dirk, you can’t keep leaving Kitten alone in your apartment.” And then, quieter, “Honestly, with the amount of time you spend at mine he should be in my apartment.” 

  


Dirk swerved around a pedestrian, “If I didn’t know any better, _assistant_, I would think you’re asking me to move in with you.” 

  


Todd glanced up at Dirk and saw that he was doing his smiling-not-smiling face, his cheeks a violent pink. “Well, I mean, uh…” 

  


Todd trailed off. “Ye_ee_es…?” 

  


“I was going to ask you later, make you dinner or something but, well, yeah.” 

  


“Well, I suppose it’s only logical.” Dirk said (now Todd could _hear_ the smiling-not-smiling), “I do spend most of my time there and… have most of my clothes there and this way Kitten won’t be so lonely all the time and-” 

  


“Dirk, you don’t have to convince me._ I_ asked _you_.” 

  


“Right, right.” Dirk was smiling-smiling now, his face taken up almost entirely by his grin. 

  


Todd yelped as they abruptly jerked to a stop in front of the office, slamming his still hunched head on the dashboard. 

  


“_Those eyes, damn, those eyes…_” 

  


Dirk was laughing, Todd glanced up at him to see his eyes crinkled up at the corners, his smile even bigger than before. 

  


“_They get me every time…_” 

  


Todd’s chest felt warm and liquid, like someone had poured hot cocoa straight into where his heart should be. Todd figured that Dirk Gently’s eyes could do that to you. 

  


  


“Please tell me that’s the last box.” 

  


“You had three boxes, Dirk.” 

  


“...” 

  


“And I brought up all of them.” 

  


Dirk groaned as he turned his face even further into Todd’s lap, “I had to carry Kitten, he’s getting bigger you know.” 

  


Todd cast a discerning eye on the cat who had curled himself up in a sunny spot on the floor of Todd’s - no, their - apartment. The little thing couldn’t weigh six pounds soaking wet. 

  


“Sure, Dirk, sure.” 

  


After bringing up Dirk’s last box of assorted odds and ends, Todd had sat himself down on the couch beside the holistic detective only to immediately have Dirk flop down so that he was spread across the entire couch with his head in Todd’s lap. 

  


“Todd, what are we having for dinner tonight? I’m hungry.” 

  


Todd scoffed quietly, a hand absentmindedly reaching down and playing with the soft strands of Dirk’s hair, “So I move all of your stuff and then you expect me to cook you dinner?” 

  


Dirk turned so he could give Todd the full force of his puppy eyes, “...yes.” 

  


Todd laughed softly, his hand still combing through Dirk’s hair, “I don’t know what you’d do without me, Dirk.” 

  


“Nor I, Todd, nor I.” 

  


Todd noticed what his hand was doing and his face turned a deep red, he cleared his throat and shot up from the couch, leaving Dirk’s head to thump back with a slight _oomph_. 

  


“I’ll, I’ll get on with dinner then.” 

  


Dirk propped himself up on one elbow to better look up at Todd and, if Todd didn’t know better, he would have said that Dirk had a frown curving his features. It was gone as quickly as it had come however, and Dirk’s usual cheery smile was back in place, “Music?” 

  


“Sure,” Todd called from the kitchen. 

  


He heard the wireless speaker Dirk had picked up a month ago from a yard sale fire up, the now familiar notes of one of Dirk’s favorite JtG songs filling the air. 

  


“Isn’t this car music?” 

  


“Todd, this is too good to just be car music.” 

  


Todd ducked his head around the fridge to see Dirk dancing in a small circle beside the couch, his eyes shut, moving-fatigue apparently forgotten. 

  


Todd smiled to himself, pulling out the chicken and vegetables he needed for the simple dish that was one of the few things he could comfortably make. 

  


“_I wanna write you a letter, I wanna write you a song, I wanna make it better, when the nights get long…_” 

  


The yowl of Kitten and Dirk’s hurried “sorry, sorry, Kitten, sorry, don’t turn into a shark please, I didn’t mean to step on you” caused Todd to laugh from where he was starting to slice the chicken. 

  


He glanced up from his work, only to see Dirk already staring at him, his eyes crinkled fondly, haloed softly by the early evening sun streaming through the window behind him. Todd felt himself smile to match, and they stood like that for what was probably too long, just staring at each other with dumb, happy smiles on their faces. 

  


Then the song changed. 

  


“_Feels like I’m standing…_” 

  


Dirk started and dove at the couch, quickly skipping the song. 

  


Todd went back to the chicken, shaking his head slightly, “When am I going to get to hear that song, Dirk?” 

  


Dirk_ eep_ed in response before quickly diverting his attention to Kitten. 

  


Todd shook his head again, glancing up one last time at Dirk who was now crouched on the floor beside their cat, in their apartment, their speaker playing _their_ car songs for them to listen to as Todd prepared their dinner. If Todd got to use the word “their” like that for the rest of his life, he thinks he’d be pretty happy. 

  


  


“Todd, I have… a problem.” 

  


“What is it, Dirk?” Todd slurred, attempting to blink the sleep from his eyes. 

  


‘When the Nights Get Long’ had woken him at a grey 4:30 a.m. (Dirk had set it as Todd’s ringtone for him the day after the move) and now Todd was trying to work up the energy to deal with whatever weird shit Dirk was about to throw at him. 

  


“Well, I couldn’t sleep last night and I was thinking about the Hollister case, because I was trying to figure out where the paper mache had gone, and then _the gummy worms, Todd_ so I-” 

  


“Dirk, just, where are you?” 

  


“Well, that’s the funny part…” 

  


“Dirk.” 

  


“I’m in the sewer.” 

  


Todd sighed for a long time, long enough that it turned into a yawn. “Which sewer, Dirk?” 

  


“Er, well I think I was near that coffee shop we visited a week ago.” 

  


“_Was?_” 

  


“I may have gotten lost.” 

  


“So, you’re telling me that you’re _somewhere_ in the Seattle sewers that might be near that one coffee shop we visited that _one_ time, but you also might not be?” 

  


“...yes.” 

  


“Okay, Dirk… don’t move, okay?” 

  


“Yup.” 

  


Todd hung up, tugged on yesterday’s skinny jeans, and grabbed the car keys from the hook. The car ride was oddly quiet without Dirk’s car playlist, without Dirk. When he got to the coffee shop and the sewer whose grate was pulled off, Todd dialed Dirk’s phone number again. 

  


“Okay, I’m going in to find you now.” 

  


“Todd?” 

  


He sounded so small, “Yeah?” 

  


“Can you keep talking? Don’t hang up.” 

  


“Yeah, Dirk, yeah, I can.” 

  


Todd babbled for a while as he (ungracefully) climbed down the rope that Dirk had (probably) attached to the side of the sewer entrance and then started down the tunnels. 

  


They’d had enough underground adventures by this point for Todd to know to draw a line of chalk on the walls as he went, something Dirk had obviously been too sleep deprived to remember. 

  


When he ran out of things to say, Todd began to sing. It was one of Dirk’s car songs (at this point simply one of Dirk’s songs), and before he started singing it Todd hadn’t realized he even knew the words. 

  


“_And aren't we all alone? Well and far behind like I am sometimes. Don't treat me like the past, don't let me fall behind. 'Cause I'm the one who you've been waiting for. Please don't pass me by. I'll wait, I'll say that I'll do what it takes. Say now, say now, say now…_” 

  


“Todd, I can hear you.” 

  


Todd stopped, realizing just how long he had been singing, “I’m on the phone, Dirk, I hope you're able to hear me.” 

  


“No, I can, wait…” 

  


And Dirk rounded the corner right ahead of him, face caked with some brown substance that Todd didn’t want to identify. Dirk charged at him, throwing his arms around Todd’s shoulders, pressing his face into Todd’s neck. 

  


“Found you,” Todd murmured into Dirk’s hair, wrapping his own arms around Dirk’s back. 

  


He didn’t realize Dirk was crying until he felt his neck growing wet. Todd tightened his grip on Dirk’s shoulders, “Hey, hey, why are you crying?” 

  


“The feeling of, the feeling of the walls, I couldn’t, I didn’t have my jacket and I could feel it-” 

  


“Shh, Dirk, it’s okay. I understand. Do you need me to let go of you?” 

  


“No, no, you’re a good feeling.” 

  


Todd knew that Dirk had sensory problems, that he wore his jackets to protect his skin from all of the feelings of the world that grated a little too roughly on his nerves. Todd also knew that, when Dirk was following a lead for a case (especially a holistic case that involved paper mache and gummy worms of all things), he tended to forget things that were important. Like the chalk, and his jacket, and, well, and his assistant. 

  


“Here, take mine. Let’s get you out of here.” 

  


Todd shrugged his jacket off and pulled it onto Dirk’s arms, buttoning it up the front to cover even more of his skin. 

  


“Oh, Todd, I forgot the chalk!” Dirk looked like he was going to start crying again and Todd, wanting anything but that to happen, grabbed his hand. 

  


“It’s okay, Dirk, I’ve got the chalk. Don’t worry.” 

  


Dirk visibly relaxed, his shoulders sinking just a little bit, “Ah, okay, good.” 

  


“Yeah.” 

  


They were halfway out before Todd realized that he still hadn’t let go of Dirk’s hand. He held it for the rest of the way and, when he had to let go to get out of the sewers and then get Dirk in the car, his palm stung the entire time it was empty. 

  


They sat in the car for a few minutes before either of them spoke, Todd sitting with his hands loosely on the steering wheel, not moving. 

  


“Could you, could you put on my car playlist, Todd?” 

  


“Sure.” 

  


Todd did, his hands moving automatically to take out Dirk’s phone and put the playlist on shuffle. 

  


“_Feels like I’m standing in a timeless dream of light mists…_” 

  


Dirk started to cry again. 

  


“Please, please, Todd, could you please skip it?” 

  


“_Of pale amber rose, feels like I’m lost in a deep cloud of heavenly scent touching, discovering you…_” 

  


Todd stared at Dirk, he wanted to hear the song but, Dirk was so upset and Todd… Todd didn’t want Dirk to be upset anymore. 

  


Todd skipped the song. Todd took Dirk’s hand. Todd waited until Dirk’s tears dried before leaving that one coffeeshop they went to that one time and the sewers behind. Todd kept holding Dirk’s hand as he drove them home. 

  


  


Dirk was drinking apple juice. 

  


Farah, Todd, and Amanda all sat with a beer in front of them, they were playing trivia in a bar that was far too crowded and far too loud for a real trivia game to be taking place. Also, it bears mentioning that Farah, Todd, and Amanda were far too drunk to be paying attention to said trivia game. Farah and Amanda were probably drunk from the beer (although Amanda had shown up drunk), Todd was drunk from watching Dirk, he was only a little tipsy from the beer, although tipsy enough to get drunk off of Dirk. 

  


“Oh, _oh_, a grenade!” 

  


The groan from all of the other trivia participants was audible enough to break through the fog of Dirk Gently that had settled on Todd’s mind. 

  


“And that’s another point to hall- I’m sorry, how do you say it again?” 

  


“The Holistic Detective Agency.” 

  


“Yeah, that.” 

  


“Are we winning?” Amanda slurred, her head still remaining upright only because she’d propped it on Farah’s shoulder who was looking just slightly uncomfortable with this arrangement. 

  


“Yes! We are!” 

  


“Dirk, Dirk, shhhhhhh,” Farah said. “Shhhhhh, shh, shhhhh.” 

  


“Ah, sorry, Farah,” Dirk said, quieter this time, although still shrill enough to make everyone at the surrounding tables shoot them yet another series of glares. 

  


“Yesss, we’re winning!” Amanda shrieked. 

  


Farah jerked upright in order to throw Amanda off of her shoulder. “Todd, thank your boyfriend for making us wi… letting us win.” 

  


Todd stilled, his beer glass nearly to his mouth. 

  


“Amanda, I think you must be mistaken, Todd and I aren’t-” 

  


Todd, who may have been drunker than he had originally thought, put his glass down, turned to Dirk, and kissed his cheek, effectively shutting him up. 

  


“Thank you, Dirk.” 

  


Dirk’s face was redder than Todd had ever seen it and it wasn’t just from the bad lighting. Well, Todd didn’t think it was from the bad lighting although now that he’d considered it maybe the lights were red on only Dirk’s face. Yeah, that was probably it. 

  


“_Feels like I’m standing…_” 

  


“Holy shit, Dirk, it’s _the song_.” 

  


“Um, Todd, I’m not feeling well. Could we go home now?” 

  


Oh no, was Dirk sick? Did he drink too much apple juice? It was probably the apple juice. 

  


“Yeah, yeah, yeah, let’s go.” 

  


They left quickly, and, when he thought back on it later, Todd couldn’t remember hearing the rest of the song (Todd couldn’t remember much of that night at all, except for the way Dirk looked on the drive home, moon washed and beautiful). 

  


  


They were driving. Not to anything, or away from anything, just driving. 

  


Farah was back in Minnesota visiting Tina, Amanda had disappeared a week ago with the Rowdy Three, and Mona was hiding as a random object somewhere in the apartment, so it was just Dirk and Todd. 

  


Dirk was driving because he liked to. Todd was aware that he should be driving, Dirk was one of those people who _could_ drive but probably shouldn’t be allowed to unless under the most dire circumstances. 

  


Which they weren’t under now, because they were… just driving. 

  


The windows were rolled down and Todd was trailing his fingers out of them, playing the wind like his guitar strings. 

  


They were listening to Dirk’s car playlist because, well, why wouldn’t they be. Todd had begun to feel odd when he _wasn’t_ listening to Dirk’s car playlist (Todd had begun to feel weird when he wasn’t with Dirk). 

  


It was perfect outside, perfectly comfortable, perfectly sunny, perfectly breezy, with Dirk’s perfect smile trained full stop onto him (God, Todd could live forever if Dirk kept smiling at him like that). 

  


And then the song came on. _The_ song. 

  


“_Feels like I’m standing in a timeless dream of light mists…_” 

  


Dirk immediately moved to skip it, the movements no longer scrambling, almost muscle memory at this point. 

  


“Don’t.” Todd said, placing his hand lightly over Dirk’s. 

  


“Todd…” 

  


“No, I want to hear it.” 

  


Dirk grimaced slightly before turning back to the road, his hands now white knuckled on the steering wheel. 

  


“_Those days of warm rains come rushing back to me, miles of windless summer nights..._” 

  


(Todd remembered Dirk, yellow-jacketed and climbing through his window.) 

  


“_Secret moments shared in the heat of the afternoon…_” 

  


(Todd remembered Dirk, frantically solving puzzle after puzzle in a labyrinth of rooms created by a time traveling dead man.) 

  


“_Out of the stillness, soft spoken words…_” 

  


(Todd remembered Dirk, collecting a cat who was a shark, a girl who was a dog, a dog who was a girl, a man who was lost, confused, tired.) 

  


“_Say it, say it again…_” 

  


(Todd remembered Dirk, puzzling together a fantasy world, a real world, running from a purple crocodile and to a wand-wielding witch.) 

  


“_I love you always forever, near and far closer together…_” 

  


(Todd remembered Dirk, taking him to his appointments, Dirk, with an empty box of sixty-four crayons.) 

  


“_Everywhere I will be with you, Everything I will do for you…_” 

  


(Todd remembered Dirk, moving into his apartment, dancing in his living room, Dirk, having a sensory attack after getting lost in a sewer, Dirk, looking golden and beautiful in a beer-blurred bar, Dirk, hunched over the steering wheel, chewing ferociously on his lower lip.) 

  


“_You’ve got the most unbelievable blue eyes I’ve ever seen…_” 

  


“Dirk…” 

  


Dirk stopped the car. 

  


“_You’ve got me almost melting away…_” 

  


“Well, now you know, Todd.” 

  


Todd felt his heart thudding, warm and liquid like hot cocoa. 

  


“_As we lay there under blue sky with pure white stars…_” 

  


“Dirk, I…” 

  


Dirk stared into Todd’s blue (_blue, blue, blue_) eyes. 

  


“_Exotic sweetness a magical time…_” 

  


“I’m sorry.” 

  


Todd leaned across the console, a hand resting on Dirk’s cheek. 

  


“_Say it, say it again…_” 

  


“Don’t be sorry.” 

  


Dirk’s face was pink, his eyes warm (hot cocoa hazel). 

  


“_Say you’ll love me forever…_” 

  


“Todd…” 

  


Todd kissed him. 

  


“_Never stop, never whatever…_” 

  


Dirk gasped and wrapped his arms around Todd’s neck. 

  


“_Near and far and always…_” 

  


Todd kept kissing him, he never wanted to stop (cars and kitchens and sewers and bars). 

  


“_And everywhere and everything._” 

  


Todd rested his forehead against Dirk’s as the song ended, the Dirk’s eyes closed tight. 

  


“I… I love you, Dirk Gently,” Todd whispered. 

  


“Always forever,” Dirk murmured back. 

  


(_Near and far and always and everywhere and everything…_)  


  


**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!! don't be shy to leave a comment, they brighten my day!! again, thank you to grace for the idea.
> 
> if there are any glaring mistakes please tell me!
> 
> my tumblr is [@labelleofbelfastcity](https://labelleofbelfastcity.tumblr.com/) head on over to shout at me if you want


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